Rape -- Honest, Legitimate and Otherwise

This is a picture of Richard Mourdock who is running for the senate from Indiana.

As you probably know, there are a lot of crazies running for office and Mr. Mourdock is one of them.

This is what he said about rape:

"The only exception I have to have an abortion is in the case of the life of the mother," said Mourdock, the Tea Party-backed state treasurer. "I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God. I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen."

Obviously he differs from Todd Akin's position that in the case of a 'legitimate rape' a woman's body can 'shut the whole thing down.'  Presumably Mourdock doesn't think a woman has that magic spermicide that she can launch after a rape.

But obviously Mourdock thinks that God uses rapists for his own damn reasons.

And Ron Paul, who may still be running for the Presidency and is an actual medical doctor, said that in a case of 'honest rape' the victim should go to the ER and he would give them a shot of estrogen.

These are not the only candidates espousing some sort of right to make a woman's health a public affair.  There are far too many of them.

If you are a human being, and female in gender most particularly, all of this crazy talk should frighten you.  Elect any of these delusional men to office and you'll need to consider your uterus and other reproductive organs as public property.

You Can Google That

You may have heard that yesterday was the incredibly unimportant Iowa caucus for Republican presidential hopefuls.

As easily predicted, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry finished last. Michele immediately threw in the tasteful fingertip towel her husband had selected and Rick went back to Texas to ask Jesus what the hell he should do.

Mitt Romney, the only vaguely electable candidate, finished first but only eight votes (yes, that's right -- eight!) ahead of Rick Santorum. Santorum, who really doesn't like gays (nor they him) came from behind. You can google that.

Now Senator John McCain (you may remember him from the 2008 election) threw his support to Romney who is pictured above wearing blue jeans so that you might be inclined to think this multimillionaire is one of the common folk.

Ron Paul who claims he did not write those vicious newsletters that people in the Way Back Machine have uncovered, came in third.

And now on to New Hampshire!

GOP -- Greasy Old Politics

Now that Christmas is over it's back to politics as usual.

Today's question is: which contender for the GOP Presidential nominee is the slimiest dick? It's a very hard call.

We sort of miss Herman Cain, but alas, there were just too many women in his woodwork.

Let's consider Rick Perry. What do we know about him? He used to hunt at a place called Niggerhead. He likes guns and executing people. His wife seems as unstable as Kitty Dukakis on a bad day and God talks to both of them on a seemingly regular basis. He can't remember three things at a time and his campaign is costing the citizens of Texas $400,000 a day. Most recently he failed to collect 10,000 signatures to put his name on the Virginia primary. That's something he and Newt Gingrich have in common.

Newt has been around a long time so the coating of sliminess is quite thick on his Lego-like body. He likes to get married and usually has future wife lined up before he's finished with current wife. He was fined $300,000 for ethics' violations way back in 1997 by the House -- the first House Speaker to have been so treated. Who says he's not special?

If you need to pick up a little something at Tiffany's and don't have the cash, perhaps Mr. Gingrich would allow you to use his hefty credit line at the famous jeweler's; something he has but doesn't think it's any of your business if you're interested in knowing why he has it. Maybe you should send your worthless, lazy children into the workforce to make that extra cash.

Then we have Dr. Ron Paul. He always seems to be skulking around the sidelines because the media doesn't really take him seriously. Seems that recently he's been having bouts of amnesia. It appears that around 2o years ago he was connected to 'newsletters' which contained anti-gay, anti-Israeli and otherwise racist rants. He doesn't recall them.

Interestingly enough, he is the darling of just about every right wing extremist group in the country so there must be something about him that organizations like Militia of Montana find endearing.

Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are Mormons. Does that make them less slimy than the other contenders? Perhaps, but it doesn't necessarily make them less crazy.

We can't forget Michele Bachmann. Just because she's married to a closeted gay man doesn't make her better or worse than the other candidates; however, let us not forget that she is thuddingly stupid.

There are some other declared candidates too, but let's just leave it at this.

Who's the slimeball winner? If only Donald Trump hadn't gone and declared himself an "Independent" he might have been the write-in winner.

Please Leave the Building

You may have heard that Michele Bachmann won the Ames, Iowa straw poll, whatever the hell that means. It could just mean that more people wanted to meet a country western singer at her tent.

Yesterday she continued to make fool of herself by wishing Elvis Presley a happy birthday. First of all, someone needs to tell her that he's dead and that August 16th is the anniversary of his death, not birth. He has left the building, Michele, and perhaps you should follow.

In other news, as predicted, Rick Perry threw his ten gallon hat into the presidential ring after the straw poll. Ron Paul came in second and yet no one even mentions that. Surely, he can't be any more of an embarrassment to the GOP than these two.

Who's Next? Ru?

This dude is Rand Paul. His father is Ron Paul, the congressman from Texas and sometime presidential candidate. Rand is the Republican nominee for the Senate from Kentucky, and he is one crazy guy.

He thinks the President's handling of the Gulf oil spill is "un-American" and "anti-business." Apparently BP Oil shouldn't be held accountable for the mess they've made or something like that because he's sure they're going to clean it up.

He also believes that businesses should be able to refuse services to minorities without federal interference.

Yup, and he was overwhelmingly nominated over the other Republican candidate running in the primary.

Personally I would prefer that RuPaul be running for the Senate than this ass clown.

Bounty: The Quicker Picker-Upper

Ron Paul has a terrific idea on how to stop the piracy that's become all too common place these days.

Hire bounty hunters. Yes, there's a provision in the Constitution for it. We won't get into the technicalities here.

We all know how successful the U.S. has been by putting a bounty on Osama Bin Laden's head, but seriously, this could really work.

Andrew Grotto, a senior national security analyst with the Center for American Progress, has said: “What happens when a ship flying under Congress accidentally takes out an aid ship bound for Somalia? At what time does an act seem pirate-like enough to cross the line? Do we really want these snap judgments being made on the fly in waters thousands of miles away from Washington? This is not Johnny Depp we’re dealing with.”

Nevertheless, it sounds like it could be fun.