A Thrilla in Wasilla

Years ago when a knocked-up Bristol Palin was at the Republican National Convention with her baby daddy, I predicted she and Levi would not marry. And I was right.

What I didn't add was: unless there's a buck in it and I don't mean a caribou you can shoot between the eyes.

The two have reunited after Levi issued some sort of candyass apology to the Palin family, thus paving the way for the re-engagement and reality TV show.

What else are two unemployed high school dropouts going to do to earn a living?

Golly, Will These Two Never Stop?!

Evidently when Sarah Palin was on Oprah Winfrey's couch she said her daughter's baby daddy was welcome to their house for Thanksgiving dinner, but Levi Johnston is smart enough to know that she's really just kidding. In fact, he said she was 'full of it.'

He also opined it would be really awkward if he showed up for turkey dinner. I'm sure he saw the video of Sarah last November as she chattered mindlessly while turkeys were beheaded behind her at the turkey slaughterhouse. I think he knows he'd be head down in the poultry guillotine if he showed up.

You'll be happy to know his Playgirl photo shoot was terrific. He posed with a hockey stick. I guess we'll just have to wait for the glossies.

Times Squared

Wow. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this picture on Gawker.

Evidently Lara Spencer and Chris Jacobs, the two idiots making hand gestures and looking like assholes, did a promo in Times Square yesterday with Jon Gosselin (on the left) and Levi Johnston (sandwiched in between Gosselin and Spencer) for their TV gossip show, The Insider.

I'll bet you didn't know how much Levi and Jon have in common.

They both are haunted by women who want to keep their gonads in a trophy case. Sarah Palin, I'm sure, would love to emasculate Levi, and Kate, Jon's soon to be ex, has been castrating him ever so slowly over the last few years.

Levi has a child he didn't expect and Jon has that times 8.

Although those guys are about 15 years apart in calendar years, really they're both 11-year-olds on a maturity scale.

Some day when Levi's legal, maybe he and Jon will go out and have a beer together.

Levi's Unzipped?

Levi Johnston is hot and everyone thinks so!

Unzipped, the gay glossy mag, has offered him actual cash money to pose for them. No word on whether or not he's going to accept their proposal.

I'm thinking if he'll 'date' Kathy Griffin, why wouldn't he drop trou for her fans?

Levi Speaks

My favorite teen-aged dad, Levi Johnston, thinks he knows why his almost mother-in-law, Sarah Palin, resigned the governorship of Alaska.

She's worried about MONEY!

Apparently when Levi was living with the family in December and January he heard the Governor opine that it sure would be nice to cash in on some of the lucrative offers coming her way. Those offers might include a reality show and a book deal.

Of course the Palin camp says he is a liar and that he's honing his acting skills, but could it be that he knows what he's talking about?

Stranger things have happened.

Caribou in the Headlights

I feel sorry for Levi Johnston.

Here we have a high school dropout whose mother was busted on drug charges recently. He has a baby mama who unfortunately for him is the eldest daughter of the Governor of Alaska.

When the aforementioned Governor was running for Vice-President of the United States he was dragged out of Wasilla, Alaska and paraded in front of the American populace. There was talk of his engagement to his baby mama. Once the election was over and they had no further use for him, they hoped he'd be gone.

Well, that's not the way things have turned out. Ill advisedly or not he recently appeared on Tyra Banks' show and revealed some things the ambitious Governor wasn't too pleased with. Like he took up residence with the Palins and stayed in Bristol's room as her due date neared. The Palins say he just 'stayed there' for two weeks.

His mother and sister also appeared on the show complaining they don't get to see baby Tripp but once a month at most.

Levi comes across as just a nice looking kid, not too bright, who got caught in the headlights of a Presidential campaign. Palins, just shut up and leave the kid alone. Levi, go back to school.

Called It!

As I again predicted on February 17, 2009 (having done so on 12/4/08), rumor is that Bristol Palin will not be marrying her baby daddy, Levi.

Seems that Levi's sister Mercede, another Alaskan who can't keep her trap shut, has been speaking out about the break-up.

She says Bristol actually broke up with Levi more than a month ago, is not attending school and rarely lets her baby daddy see their young son. Mercede also says Bristol even told him that she hates him and, when she learned she was pregnant, wished the baby wasn’t his.
Mercede told Star: “Bristol’s just crazy. That’s the nicest way I can put it. She and Levi actually broke up a while ago!”

Apparently, Levi is also far from being a hands-on dad. Said Mercede: “Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible for him. She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash.’ She treats him so badly!”

Whoa, little lady! Isn't that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?

Johnston Jobless

Rumor has it that Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's baby daddy, has quit his job on the North Slope.

Just a cheap trick to avoid paying child support? Or is he leaving to join the family business of drug dealing?

Apparently you have to be a high school graduate to hold a job as an electrical apprentice, and as we know, Levi is not. So did he quit or was he tossed? Hmmmm.

This news broke the same day his mommy was arraigned on six counts of felony misconduct involving the possession and sale of the painkiller Oxycontin. She pleaded not guilty.

No More Shotgun Wedding?

Parents to be

According to what we were told during the Presidential campaign, Bristol Palin will be giving birth to her child later this month.

Levi Johnston, the baby's daddy, was paraded about during said campaign and there was talk about a wedding joining the two next summer.

Of course they've been out of the spotlight since November 4th. Wonder what they're doing, because certainly they're not busy getting educated.

I am betting that they don't get married, next summer or ever, baby or no baby. Call your local bookie to get in on the action.