If a Palin Falls in the Forest and Nobody Hears ...

Okay, this is an old picture of the Alaska Palins, but we use it to prove a point. They will not go away if we don't stop looking at them.


Bristol Palin is still on Dancing with the Stars this season despite the unanimous opinion that she dances as if she was shooting wolves from a helicopter. In fact, her performance got a Wisconsin man so fired up that he shot his television and threatened to do the same to his wife. He had suddenly come to the realization that Bristol was on the show only because her mother is Sarah Palin.


Excuse the digression. That's what the Palins do though; they make you digress because they're all over the place like moose shit.


Not only is Bristol trotting her little hoofies to the quick, but she appears in a PSA with The Situation wherein they talk about ' (sexual) abstinence,' a concept neither one of them actually understands.

Then there's Willow Palin who used the word 'faggot' on her Facebook page among other nasties as she attempted to defend her family's exploitative 'reality' show which appears on TLC (The Litter/Loony Channel). Willow, there's no way to defend it. Really.

And last, but certainly not least, Mama Grizzly Sarah has written yet another book. Pretty good for someone who has only a vague knowledge of her mother tongue. It's called America By Heart. In it she'll tell you why she's happy she didn't abort her son, Trig, and who she refers to as the 'retarded kid' when filming her reality show (so claims Kathy Griffin via Levi Johnston).

Turn them off, people, and step away from your televisions.

Hot Mess

As you know (or should know) Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin called off their engagement because he was cheating on her. Ha ha! Not really. I'm sure it was called off because they couldn't find a buyer for their proposed reality television show.

So what are a couple of crazy Alaskan teen aged parents to do to support their baby? Well, Levi's running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (the position that was once held by his almost mother-in-law) and Bristol ... well, Bristol is on this season's Dancing with the Stars.

I happened to see her first appearance on the show and let me assure you she is absolutely terrible. She's turned to Kate Gosselin for advice. What a terrific idea. One fame whore turning to another. And we all know Kate Gosselin could be mistaken for Ginger Rogers any day of the week.

Dare I say Ms. Palin has no rhythm? Which is probably how she got herself in this mess to begin with.

A Thrilla in Wasilla

Years ago when a knocked-up Bristol Palin was at the Republican National Convention with her baby daddy, I predicted she and Levi would not marry. And I was right.

What I didn't add was: unless there's a buck in it and I don't mean a caribou you can shoot between the eyes.

The two have reunited after Levi issued some sort of candyass apology to the Palin family, thus paving the way for the re-engagement and reality TV show.

What else are two unemployed high school dropouts going to do to earn a living?

Inconceivable

This is Bristol Palin. Remember her? She's nineteen now and looking a little bloated, but birth control pills'll do that sometimes.

Anyway, Bristol was in New York yesterday because for some unknown reason a teenaged mother should be out promoting National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Is it just me or does that make absolutely zero sense?

After promoting abstinence all day, she went to club 10ak at 1 a.m. No, she didn't drink but she seemed nervous. Well, no wonder.

Called It!

As I again predicted on February 17, 2009 (having done so on 12/4/08), rumor is that Bristol Palin will not be marrying her baby daddy, Levi.

Seems that Levi's sister Mercede, another Alaskan who can't keep her trap shut, has been speaking out about the break-up.

She says Bristol actually broke up with Levi more than a month ago, is not attending school and rarely lets her baby daddy see their young son. Mercede also says Bristol even told him that she hates him and, when she learned she was pregnant, wished the baby wasn’t his.
Mercede told Star: “Bristol’s just crazy. That’s the nicest way I can put it. She and Levi actually broke up a while ago!”

Apparently, Levi is also far from being a hands-on dad. Said Mercede: “Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible for him. She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash.’ She treats him so badly!”

Whoa, little lady! Isn't that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?

Bristol Chats it up on Fox News

Is that a baby in your pouch or are you just glad to see me?

Since I would rather drive steel spikes through my eyeballs than watch Fox News I am relying on the internet for my updates on Bristol Palin.

Miss Palin appeared with Greta von Susteren yesterday. Even though she's 18 she comes across as far more coherent than her mother although that's probably not too difficult.

She doesn't think abstinence is realistic. Hear that, Governor? Although she loves her baby she wishes she had waited ten years to have a child. Hmmm. That would be even longer than the Governor and the First Dude waited.

She and Levi are concentrating on their education which hopefully includes sex ed.

Bristol claims she and her baby daddy are engaged although my money is still on their never marrying. No mention of a summer wedding in this interview.

No More Shotgun Wedding?

Parents to be

According to what we were told during the Presidential campaign, Bristol Palin will be giving birth to her child later this month.

Levi Johnston, the baby's daddy, was paraded about during said campaign and there was talk about a wedding joining the two next summer.

Of course they've been out of the spotlight since November 4th. Wonder what they're doing, because certainly they're not busy getting educated.

I am betting that they don't get married, next summer or ever, baby or no baby. Call your local bookie to get in on the action.