Blue Meanies

So there I was, watching the World Series on television, when I was subjected to the trailer for Avatar, James Cameron's new movie.

Holy Mother of God.

I cannot think of any reason to see this movie unless one was getting paid for it.

What's wrong with James Cameron? Does he really think he's King of the World because of that Titanic crapfest?

I remember reading once that the whole idea for Terminator came from a nightmare he had. Well, I can't imagine what was going on in his brain that might have germinated the idea for Avatar. Did he do a mind meld with M. Night Shyamalan?

On no planet would this movie be a good idea. The graphics were better in Star Wars circa 1977.

If you missed the trailer and want to see it, I've posted a link. You may be tempted to pour Drano in your eyes but please don't. Just resolve you won't see this cinematic abortion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXF2nH4Z9sc

Baby Found With Dust Bunnies

This baby, whose name is Shannon Dedrick, was reported missing by her mother five days ago; however, she was found in a box under her babysitter's bed today. She wasn't crying and she appeared to have been cared for.

As if that isn't strange enough, it appears that the baby's mother gave the child to the babysitter.

This is what goes on in Florida when you let people out of their double wides.

Everybody's got different names but they're all sort of related. I really can't be bothered listing everyone's name and what they have to do with each other. You'll have to take my word on it. Let us just say that the baby's father is the babysitter's stepbrother.

The babysitter, whose name is Susan Baker, once had a stepson who mysteriously disappeared in North Carolina 22 years ago. She and her husband did some jail time for that, but the boy's body was never found.

And apparently Ms. Baker, with the missing and presumed dead stepson, wrote a letter to the Governor (I'm amazed she can actually write) asking for custody of little Shannon because her parents did drugs in front of her, and so on and so forth. I guess somehow she decided she was Mom of the Year.

I'm hoping the authorities get the kid away from these people, out of their town and preferably out of their state.

When Too Much is Just That

I think the NY Times wants us to feel sorry for this woman.

Her name is Leslie Williams and she and her husband bought an apartment in Manhattan a couple of years ago for over $2 million and then proceeded to pour beaucoup bucks (half a milion bucks) into a renovation. They moved in a few days before Christmas 2007 and two weeks later her husband moved out. Their marriage and the renovation were over as far as he was concerned.

Well, as fate would have it neither one of them could afford the place on their own, so it's been sold for just about its asking price of $2.6 million.

It's hard to tell from the tone of the article whether Ms. Williams thinks the most tragic event was losing the apartment or her marriage.

It's really hard for me to work up a whole lot of sympathy for people like her. There are people who can't make the mortgages on their basic hovels for instance.

I certainly wish her well, but please, NY Times, can you at least try to get your priorities in order?

Winning is Fun

The Archbishop Blows a Gasket

Did you know the Archbishop of New York, Timothy Dolan, has a blog? I didn't either, but I found out today because he is really, really pissed off at The New York Times and Maureen Dowd in particular.

It was her op-ed piece of October 25th that got his blood boiling in which Maureen opined that nuns are now, have always been and always will be, second class citizens.

The Archbishop called her editorial "the most combustible," "intemperate and scurrilous" "diatribe".

I disagree, Your Holy Rollership. I think all the points that Ms. Dowd makes regarding the hypocrisy and misogyny rampant in the Catholic church are right on the money. Nuns ministering to homosexuals is outrageous by papal standards?

Ms. Dowd opines that The church can be flexible, except with women. Absolutely true in my book and that may be its undoing.

Union Jack Off

Where's my machine gun?

Okay, let me just start out by saying I think it was really nice of the Philadelphia Transport Workers not to go on strike until after the World Series. Oh, wait. Governor Ed Rendell ordered them not to. Never mind.

Local 234 went on strike this morning at 3 a.m. after negotiations broke down. Does that mean broke down like their lousy buses?

So basically anyone who uses SEPTA to commute is screwed.

The dispute is over the same old things: wages and benefits. The union wants an 18% pay increase. Are they fucking kidding? SEPTA bus, subway, and trolley operators earn from $14.54 to $24.24 an hour, reaching the top rate after four years. Mechanics earn $14.40 to $27.59 an hour.

Wisconsin 911

Mary Strey wanna-be

You probably should call the police if you see someone driving drunk, perhaps even if the drunk driver is you.

Mary Strey from Wisconsin called the police the other night to report a drunken driver. When the dispatcher asked if she was behind the vehicle Mary said, "I am them."

Mary said she'd been drinking all night long, but she took the dispatcher's advice, pulled over and turned on her flashers. She was cited for driving drunk. Her blood alcohol level was double the legal limit. Her first court appearance is scheduled for December 10th. Kinda makes me wish I was in Wisconsin so I could attend.

Don't Take the A-Train

I'm wondering when we're going to see our first swine flu death. Oh no, I don't mean from the virus itself but from the ensuing mob mentality.

According to an eyewitness, a woman coughed on a subway train in New York City yesterday morning and didn't cover her mouth. She was reprimanded by another female passenger and a yelling match escalated until the cougher spit on the other woman. The phlegm's recipient then grabbed the ill-mannered cougher by the hair and threw her down on the subway floor.

Basically that's the end of this story, but how long will it be before people who cough and don't cover their mouths are beaten to death by their fellow citizens? Sneezing might get you stomped before long.

Because nobody wants to get the swine flu! And if we have to kill you to prevent you from spreading your germs, that's just the way it's going to have to be.

The Year of Living Dangerously

Is that a cigarette in his hand or a pen in case someone wants his autograph?

I'm sure you'll be relieved and thrilled to learn that Oksana Grigorieva gave birth to Mel Gibson's baby in Los Angeles last Friday. Lucia is their daughter's name and we certainly wish her all the best despite what she was dealt in the parental cards department.

As you no doubt are aware, Mel was married for 28 years and had 7 kids with his wife. I don't think any of them are talking to him at this point and who can blame them? It's embarrassing when middle aged dads still don't know how to use a condom.

The new mother also has a 12-year-old son by actor Timothy Dalton who was James Bond once upon a time.

She was quoted as saying "You don't control the situations or the people you meet. I did not plan this. I'm just doing what I've always been doing. It's not like I've changed my goals at all."

What does this mean? That she likes getting knocked up by actors who are virtual strangers and has no clue what birth control is? And she hasn't changed her goals? What the hell goals would she have had in the first place?

It's Always Darkest Just Before It's Black

Allow me to introduce you to Twilight Barbie and her hot vampire boyfriend, Edward.

They went on sale yesterday for $25 a piece. In case you haven't heard the new Twilight movie, New Moon, will be landing in a cineplex near you this holiday season. Naturally your little tween will want the dolls to play with before and after she sees the movie a dozen times.

Unfortunately the dolls do not come with silver bullets or wooden stakes. Where is Buffy when you need her?

15 Guaranteed Ways to Lose Your Money

I just read the list of the top 15 franchise failures and I only recognized the name of one of them and that would be Blockbuster Video.

1. Noble Roman's Pizza

2. PJ's Coffee and Tea Café

3. Super Suppers

4. Figaro's Italian Pizza

5. New York NY Fresh Deli

6. Amazon Café

7. Simple Simon's Pizza

8. Snip-Its

9. U Build It

10. Bellacino's Pizza

11. Blockbuster Video

12. Pizza Factory

13. Pro Golf

14. Conoco Service Station

15. Keva Juice

A high percentage of the borrowers who took out small business loans to purchase these franchises have defaulted. This list should tell you to stay away from pizza and food in general.

Run for Your Life

Don't these people look happy?

Sunday, November 1, 2009 was a very busy sports day in the U.S. That might be why I had to search for any information about the New York City Marathon. You know, that's where thousands of people run for 26 miles to see who comes in first, to raise money for a cause or to see if they can run that far without dropping dead.

So far I haven't heard of any deaths but they may be keeping them quiet, just as they were keeping any news of the event quiet on my usual news circuits. In fact, most of the information I found on line was from foreign news sources.

Usually people win who have names unpronounceable for the average American and this year was no exception.

The men's winner was Meb Keflezighi and believe it or not he's an American. He was born in Eritrea and became a citizen in 1998.

Derartu Tulu from Ethiopia won the women's title.

Both countries are in Africa. Seems as if many good marathon runners come from that continent.

As I've said before, I don't understand the mindset of the marathon runner, but if you want to run that far and grimace for a few hours then have at it!

*burp*

During the first ever World Series game played on Halloween, the Phillies Phanatic was devoured by zombies.

A spokesman for the flesh eating monsters claimed they just wanted to put a little green in their diet by devouring the shaggy mascot.

After the feast, they picked their teeth with the splinters from the remains of the game's bats.

Shots in the Dark

This is what happens when everybody goes batshit.

Two New York City school children were given injections of the H1N1 vaccine without their parents' permission. One of them is already in the ER. The other child's mother didn't want her daughter to receive the vaccine because the girl takes many medications and her concern was that one or more might interact unfavorably with the vaccine.

People, people, people, you can't go sticking hypodermic needles into kids just because you're afraid we're all going to die. Maybe you disagree with their parents, but it really isn't your call.

And if you're one of those looney-tunes who thinks that anyone who gets swine flu because they didn't get the vaccine and then gets sick, shouldn't be treated, please do us all a favor and jump off the nearest bridge sooner rather than later.

Direct PIA

There's been a lot of outrage over the broadcast commercial for DirecTV featuring David Spade and Chris Farley who is deceased. Is it in bad taste to use a dead celebrity in your television commercial? Of course it is!

But what's really in bad taste is the amount of money DirecTV pours into advertising and the amount of hot air they pump into their blimp.

Where are these people getting their money? From poor schlubs like me who subscribe to their overpriced service, that's where.

A storm cloud passes overhead and my signal is disrupted causing my television to emit a sound akin to rats being raped.

The cost of their service rises as steadily as their dirigible. It's time for them to take all their commercials off the air and stop fleecing their customers.

Is There Life After Facebook?

If you are a Facebook member you're well aware that periodically they screw around with it so that it doesn't work properly. Comments don't show up, posts disappear, old posts rise to the top ... you know the drill.

Facebook still hasn't recovered from the last screw-go-round on October 23rd. At that time they introduced a new feature which urges Facebookers to 'reconnect' with friends.

The problem is that for a lot of folks the people they want you to reconnect with are actually dead.

Actually a family can request that a deceased member's profile can be memorialized or eliminated altogether, but they most prove the member's demise.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

This woman will do anything and we mean anything to see her beloved Philadelphia Phillies play in the World Series.

Evidently Susan Finkelstein (who is married) placed an ad on Craigslist that said Desperate Blonde Needs World Series tix. She described herself as a "gorgeous, tall, buxom blonde diehard Phillies fan" in desperate need of two World Series Tickets. The rest of the ad read: "Price negotiable--- I'm the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!"

As often happens when one posts this type of listing, she was contacted by an undercover police officer and the next thing you know she's arrested for prostitution!

Well, the funny thing is someone heard her story and actually gave her tickets anyway! So she didn't really have to put out!

I just love happy endings.