Everything About Hoarders is a SPOILER

On last night's episode of the A&E top rated show Hoarders, we were privy to the filthy homes of Judi and Gail.

These chicks weren't just hoarders, they're gen-you-wine filth mongers.

Take Judi. Please. Right to a temporary residence.

Okay, thankfully somebody already has. Judi is 66, a college educated woman who until recently had a good job in the IT arena. She'd been living exclusively in the kitchen, sitting on a commode and wearing diapers for the last two years because she didn't have water.

Well, one night she fell off the commode (onto which she tied herself every night) and became trapped in the garbage. Luckily she had a "Panic" button so the authorities were called and eventually they were able to break down the door, plow through the mess and rescue her. She had huge sores on her feet, but they were able to avoid amputation of her legs.

Gail is 58. She too hasn't had water or gas in two years and her goats have eaten right through the walls of her house.

I admit to being hypnotized by the stories on this program. I mean, how do you lose your supply of water and gas and think that's okay? How does it happen that you're ankle deep in feces and you somehow decide that's acceptable?

These women were living in houses that were unfit for cockroaches. The filth had eaten through the floors.

Two of the three women in the most recent episodes had a child who had moved to Washington state from the east and southeast. Both adult children were morbidly obese and obviously had a truckload of problems, and yet they had somehow triumphed over their disastrous childhoods. I wish they could hook up. Maybe they could on another A&E program in the near future.

Not All Cells Have Four Walls

I remember the first time I ever saw someone talking on a car phone. It was on an episode of the fifties television show 77 Sunset Strip. I was fascinated and asked for one even though we didn't own a car.

Cut to 1983 when the picture above was taken. It wasn't exactly a car phone being used; it was a cell phone in a car. Same difference? As far as its portability, dude might as well have using a phone booth in his vehicle.

The NY Times is running a series of articles on how dangerous it is to talk on a cell phone in a car. Gee, I can't tell you how relieved I am that they've tackled this subject. Texting while driving is dangerous too. Wow. Who'd have guessed?

If you don't know that doing anything else while you're driving falls under the risky category you probably shouldn't be driving. For damn sure you're not reading a newspaper, least of all the NY Times.

Typically we have legislators who are always trying to protect the general populace from doing stupid things by passing laws to stop them; seat belts, car seats for kids, helmets for motorcyclists to name but a few. Those laws are for people who don't have the common sense not to do things that put their safety and others in jeopardy.

Workin' It

You might remember the tale of Plaxico Burress, former NFL player.

He went to a nightclub with an unlicensed handgun in the waistband of his sweatpants, which slipped and shot him in the thigh.

He was sentenced and sent to prison in September.

Well, he's already looking to get out of jail. He's filed a work furlough application so that he will be free to apply for jobs in the NFL.

What?

It's not as if he wants to be able to work as a seasonal Santa; he wants to negotiate another bazillion dollar contract? Am I the only one who thinks this is totally nuts?

Plax, stay in prison and keep your back to the wall. Seriously.

Wonderful World

You've just got to love the Scandinavians.

Not only are the Danes hosting the UN climate summit, but prostitutes of a Danish sex workers' union (Yes! There is such a thing!) are offering their services to the delegates for free.

I can't think of a group that has done more for the world in a very long time, although the temperatures in Copenhagen are bound to rise a few degrees.

American Beauty

Yesterday I rewatched the 1999 film American Beauty. It's one of my favorites and if you've never seen it, you owe it to yourself to give it two hours of your stupid little life. I would caution not to watch this clip unless you have seen it.

The dialogue was written by Alan Ball who went on to Six Feet Under and True Blood; in my opinion, an American genius.

Invisible

For the Christmas season I'm going to attempt suicide to teach my stupid parents a lesson.


My mother, the psychotic compulsive marrying narcissist, and my father, who likes to drink and drive and chase skirts my age.


Seriously, can you blame Alexa Ray Joel for trying to kill herself with a drug overdose? Yeah, yeah, yeah she just broke up with a boyfriend, but look from whence she came.

Alexa, we wish you well. The farther you can distance yourself from your idiot parental units, the better for you.

Invisible is the name of her latest song, by the way, and just that one word speaks volumes.

Vaticrats

Wow! What a funny picture this is of Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan! It almost looks as if it was taken by some guy on his knees while he ... okay, never mind.

I was previously unfamiliar with this dude, but he used to be the Vatican's chief beanie baby on health care issues until he retired this year.

He was interviewed by a magazine called Pontifex which sounds like some nasty suppository to me. Anyway, the name of the rag isn't anywhere near as nasty as what came out of this man's mouth; the words, I mean.

He had a lot to say about homosexuals and transsexuals, but nothing you haven't heard before coming out of the mouths of vaticrats.

For instance:

Transsexuals and homosexuals will not enter into the Kingdom of God, and I do not say this, but Saint Paul does.

One is not born a homosexual. One becomes a homosexual. It is for various reasons, such as education, or for not developing one's own proper identity in adolescence; perhaps they are themselves not responsible, but acting against the dignity of the human body, certainly they will not enter Heaven. All that goes against nature and against the dignity of the human body offends God.

Could it be a good sign that a papal spokesman told Reuters that Pontifex shouldn't be considered an authority on Catholic thinking "on complex and delicate issues such as homosexuality?"

One can only hope.

Oh Yummy.. a Nice Hot Plate of Chemicals

Doesn't this picture make you just want to dig into a nice porterhouse steak?

There's a vaccine that's being tested in the U.S. now so that soon you'll be able to dig right into that hunk of meat knowing that your chance of contracting E. coli has been reduced by 65 to 75 per cent.

E. coli is responsible for 73,000 illnesses and 61 deaths in the U.S. annually.

Of course, cattle are force fed grain in meat mills, a substance their bodies are not designed to digest. In order to break down the feed, their bodies produce super E. coli which eventually can find its way into your body after you ingest that slab o'beef.

So how to counter this? Stick more chemicals in their bodies which are already laden with growth hormones and antibiotics, of course!

The logical answer, although it might sicken the beef industry to acknowledge this, is to stop eating meat.

Problem solved.

U.S. News Wrap-Up

In case you haven't been out of your cave recently, I'd like to catch you up on what's been capturing the attention of the media.

Take Tiger Woods. It seems as if everyone else has. After his car crash last week and the subsequent allegations that he's been cheating on his wife, it seems that all of his paramours are coming out of the woodwork. I mean, how has this guy had time to play golf with all the schtupping he's apparently been doing?

Then there's the couple who crashed the White House State Dinner.

Tareq and Michaele Salahi wangled their way into last week's State Dinner in what seems to have been the final episode of the Bravo Reality show soon to hit the airwaves, "Real Housewives of Washington, D.C." There's something seriously wrong with this country where just about everything turns into a television show.

But if a well-loved athlete unable to keep his pants zipped and a couple of starry-eyed hustlers supping with the President don't shock you, how about this? Meredith Birney, who portrayed Elyse Keaton on the beloved Family Ties show, has announced she's gay. Gay! Mrs. Keaton! Yup, she's 62 and discovered just a few years ago that she was gay. How is that possible? She's now been with her girlfriend for four years after realizing she was a lesbian seven years ago. Didn't she have an inkling after any one of her three marriages didn't work out? What do Alex and Mallory think? Jennifer and little Andrew? Sheesh.

This Little Piggie Went Home

Remember the swine flu?

I was thinking I hadn't heard much about it lately so I decided to do a little surfing on the internet and this is what I came up with.

THE NUMBER OF SWINE FLU CASES IN CHINA HAVE TRIPLED SINCE THE ONSET OF WINTER!

Now I don't know if the seasons are different in China, but it's still fall where I am. Okay, we'll let that little discrepancy slide. Anyway, aren't there a billion people in China? A tripling of the number of H1N1 cases could be catastrophic, right?

From the Canadian Press: By Sunday, the Chinese mainland had recorded 178 deaths from the H1N1 virus - a threefold-plus jump from the 53 deaths announced Nov. 15, according to the ministry's Web site.

Okay, out of 1.3 billion people there have been 178 deaths from swine flu. This is in freaking China where they're packed in like sardines. Does that number even translate into a fraction?

All right, but what about the entire world? You know, the world that's going to be wiped out by this virus.

Well, there are 6.8 billion people in the world and to date H1N1 has killed almost 8,750 people globally, according to the latest European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control (ECDC) tallies.

This is the sorriest excuse for a pandemic I have ever seen.

People around the world are not lining up to get their vaccinations so apparently the pharmaceutical companies manufacturing the vaccine aren't going to make the whole lot of money they were planning on.

Back to the drawing board, boys and girls. Time to find another disease with which to frighten the world.

'Tis the Season

The American Family Association (AFA) has issued their annual list of retailers who are Naughty or Nice. Naughty retailers don't mention Christmas in their 'holiday' ads; nice ones do.

Companies FOR "Christmas" updated 11-24-09

Amazon.com
Bath & Body Works
Bed Bath & Beyond
Belk
Big Lots
Books-A-Million
Cabella's
Collective Brands
Costco
Dollar Tree
Family Dollar
Dollar General
H.E.B. Stores
Hallmark
Harris Teeter Stores
Hobby Lobby
Home Depot
JC Penney
JoAnn Fabrics & Crafts Stores
Kmart
Kohl's
Lowe's
Macy's
Meijer
Menard's
Michael's Stores
Neiman Marcus
Nordstrom
Petsmart
Pier One Imports
Publix
QVC
Rite Aid
Sears
Super D Drug Stores
Target
Walgreens
Wal-Mart/Sam's Club

Yes, because nothing says "Merry Christmas" better than something from a Dollar Store.

Companies marginalizing "Christmas" updated 11-24-09
Bass Pro Shops

Banana Republic

Barnes & Noble

Best Buy
Gap Stores
Hancock Fabrics
Hy-Vee Stores
Old Navy
Safeway
Starbucks
Toys R Us
Whole Foods

Companies against "Christmas" updated 11-24-09

Advance Auto Parts
Aldi
Barnes & Noble
Best Buy
CVS Pharmacy
Dick's Sporting Goods
Home Shopping Network
Kroger
Limited Brands
Office Depot
Radio Shack
Staples
SUPERVALU
Victoria's Secret

Yes, I was going to buy carburetors at Advance Auto Parts for all my loved ones.

How does the AFA figure all this crap out? Here's an explanation of their criteria:

Criteria - AFA reviewed up to four areas to determine if a company was "Christmas-friendly" in their advertising: print media (newspaper inserts), broadcast media (radio/television), website and/or personal visits to the store. If a company's ad has references to items associated with Christmas (trees, wreaths, lights, etc.), it was considered as an attempt to reach "Christmas" shoppers.

If a company has items associated with Christmas, but did not use the word "Christmas," then the company is considered as censoring "Christmas."

Perhaps best of all are the comments left on their website. Here is but a sampling of the hundreds of comments posted:

12/1/2009 You incorrectly have KMart listed on the nice list. By what I've seen in their circulars they are not recognizing Christmas. I don't see Christmas referred to at all, in fact they refer to Christmas trees as holiday trees or even more ridiculously as heritage trees.

12/1/2009 I know where to spend my money at now becasue of this and if I see a store that I buy from on this list I call to let them know they will not get my hard earned money unless they add Christ into the business and also to the non-Christian that wrote the following..

11/18/2009 Thanks for the list! Reminds me to shop at CVS instead of KMart or Walmart this season! We Christains will one day see you on your knees asking For FORGIVINESS all we can do is pray for your soul Webb Family

11/30/2009 Do not shop at Crate and Barrel! For years now, they are against Christmas. In fact last year their CEO stated she refuses to say Christmas in any of their stores, advertising, or catalogs. Merry Christmas!

11/30/2009 KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT WORK !! I believe we ARE seeing a change, with many companies now referring to Christmas -- I often reply to "holiday" email offers from companies, stating that I'm waiting for their CHRISTMAS OFFERS -- and Wish Them A MERRY CHRISTMAS...(However, WE still have a fight on our hands) THANKS and MERRY CHRISTMAS

11/28/2009 It is ironic, the very holiday's that created this time for sales and spending are now tossed aside for political correctness. Taking a stance for what we believe, may not seem like much but when it comes to how I spend my money, I will chose to spend it with someone that respects my beliefs. Political correctness is not found in my wallet. Trevor Drown (I) Candidate US Senate, Arkansas

11/26/2009 You don't have to believe in Jesus or anything else. But if you respect every religious holiday of the season EXCEPT for Christmas, you don't deserve my money.

11/26/2009 Yesterday, Nov. 25th, on Facebook there was an article i read with an ad for Best Buy showing their black friday sale. In the ad it showed reference to a muslim holiday, at the same time they don't recognize Thanksgiving and are marginalizing Christmas.

11/26/2009 Palin for President 2012

11/26/2009 Thanks for keeping us posted on those who refuse to believe in what Jesus Christ went through for us, bnut lets not forget about them, we need to pray harder for them that they may come to see the light before it's too late. GOD bless all & MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

11/24/2009 It's great to have this information, CHRIST is the reason for the season, it breaks my heart to hear that so many want his name out of everything and so scared of affending anothers "belief", this is our nation, founded on God and all of his creation. I've never understood why people want to come to the US, but then are affended at OUR wonderful beliefs of our Father and his son that gave so very much for us all. I do want to spend at the stores that believe! MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and thank you again for this information.

11/24/2009 thank you, I will shop the stores that believe in Christmas. I believe in Christianity and in GOD! Merry CHRISTMAS!!

11/23/2009 Thank you AFA for doing the research. I am printing it out to utilize during my Christmas shopping and will forward it to family and friends. Also, thank you for all the info AFA provided on Old Navy. My personable, active teenage daughter was recently employed by them at our local area store. Although she enjoyed her position and they thoroughly appreciated her sales experience and personality, we encouraged her to turn in her resignation with a now completed 2-week notice. We are fortunate that she has many opportunities available with the Christian-friendly businesses in our area. Keep up the good work and God bless!!! S. Fitch ~ Ohio

11/22/2009 I am not sure I agree with all of your evaluations. Macy's (a store I like) in Austin Texas has advertised the lighting of their "Great Tree" instead of Christmas tree. Target is advertising Cashmere Trees instead of Christmas tress. You will not find the work 'jesus' anywhere in their stores.

Umm... maybe it is a great tree and maybe the Target tress (sic) are made of cashmere. Where exactly would they use the work (sic) jesus?

11/21/2009 Your companies for Christmas list is great. They will get all my business. We have said Merry Christmas longer than most people are alive today . If they don't like it move to a country that suits your religion better. Most Americans believe in a God. I'm tired of all these changes for 10% of the Americans.

11/20/2009 I am disappointed that you only publish comments that you like. This is unfortunate for a group that is touted to be such good Christians. I question that.

11/19/2009 I appreciate so much that you are doing what you are doing. There are so many things us as Christians want to do, but really don't know where to start.You make it possible for us to stand up for what we believe in and actually do something. Thank you for your stand. Thank you for letting God use you in such a mighty way. MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!!

11/19/2009 If Olive Garden is against using the word "Christmas" so is Red Lobster as they are the same company. They also have several other restaurants. Does anyone know what the others are?

Let's be serious. Nobody should be eating at the Olive Garden.

11/19/2009 In case you missed it, the Hallmark channel this year is doing a program on the "National" tree. But at my house we are still having a "Christ tree" Merry Christmas to you

Sweetie, there is a national tree in Washington, D.C. Maybe that's what they meant.

11/18/2009 Personally, I believe that marketing and consumerism is what's weakening Christmas's true spirit. I would way rather the holiday shopping season become completely neutral so that Christmas will once again mean something real and "holidays" can refer to the orgy of purchasing that people indulge in. Do people really believe that they're doing something religious by only shopping at stores that say Christmas? What does Jesus' birth have to do with corporations and money? If you want to do something in the spirit of Christmas with your money, why don't you donate it to poor people instead of getting more material crap that you probably don't need?

And the Winner Is ...

No this isn't Sean Penn. This is American author Jonathan Littell. I admit I'm unfamiliar with his work, but I was thrilled for him when I read he is this year's winner of Britain's Bad Sex in Fiction Prize.

In his book "The Kindly Ones," a 900 page tome, he likens a sexual encounter with a one-eyed mythological beast. Would that be the One-Eyed Trouser Snake?

Actually, no. It's female genitalia that he compares to Cyclops whose one eye never blinks.

His editor accepted the award for him, but Littell had no comment. I'm thinking anyone who thinks a va-jay-jay is a mythological beast had better keep his mouth shut.

Good Sports

Remember when Serena Williams blew her cool at the U.S. Open in September and threw a few f*bombs around the court? Well, she's gotten the bill for her temper tantrum and she's been fined $82,500.

Now to the average person that's a lot of money but when you're a sports superstar it's chump change.

Personally I think she should be fined for the atrocious ensembles she wears in public, from bikinis that cover nothing, to denim tennis skirts, to boob-a-lot evening gowns, but that's just my opinion.

Okay, so maybe you're not wild about Serena, but heck, everyone loves Tiger Woods! Right? Ever since his car accident the other night rumors have been running rampant. Was his wife trying to beat him over the head with a golf club? Has he been cheating on her?

Although the accident took place on a public street and he hit a fire hydrant, not to mention his neighbor's tree, he and his bride have refused to talk to the police. If that were you or I would we be allowed to keep mum? I suspect not. We probably wouldn't be water boarded, but the coppers would get the story out of us somehow.

Is the golf star being treated differently because everyone likes him or because he's a billionaire? You decide.