There She Is ...

Emcee Mario Lopez

Prettier than 9/10ths of the contestants

You may have trouble believing this, but yes, there still is a Miss America Pageant and the 2009 winner will be crowned tonight!

The pageant has been around since 1921 and for years was held in Atlantic City.

It is now politically incorrect to call it a 'beauty contest' although the contestants wear swimsuits and evening gowns. Their scores in those categories comprise 35% of their total points.

As interest in the pageant started to flag, some desperate measures were taken.

In 1979 Bert Parks was unceremoniously given the boot as emcee.

ABC used to broadcast the contest in its hey day, but when ratings slid, they dropped it. Since then it's bounced from Country Music Television to today's broadcaster, The Learning Channel.

The venue was moved from Atlantic City to Las Vegas, and now it's referred to as a 'scholarship pageant.'

Are you still awake?

The rules of the game are puzzling at best. For instance, this year's Miss New York was crowned Miss Manhattan, although she lived in Brooklyn, and she isn't from New York at all, but rather from Virginia.

So does anyone really watch this anymore? Do you really care who is crowned "Miss America?"

For me, Vanessa Williams losing her crown in 1984 because of some photographs of her in Penthouse was the last time anything related to this contest was even vaguely newsworthy.