Breaking News from Fox

I think it's official. Twenty-four hour a day news channels are the worst thing that have ever happened to the world.

Take Fox News. Please. And even more importantly, Fox & Friends. Then jump off a bridge clutching them to your heaving breast.

Gretchen Carlson, accredited Oxford scholar, interviewed a young man named Colton Burpo who has written a book called Heaven is for Real. How does the youngster know this? Because he's been there!

Colton's ruptured appendix went undiagnosed for five days when he was four and while on the operating table he died and went to heaven. Well, at least he we went to heaven. He will happily describe it to you in his book. What he should be doing is describing it in the lawsuit filed against his incompetent doctor and hospital.

In any event, and we don't want to issue too many spoilers here, God is really big and can actually hold the whole world in His hands!

And Jesus, well as you Southern Christians might have guessed, has blue eyes.

Also no one in heaven is really old, which was of great relief to Gretchen Carlson. Her dumbstruck blonde bimbo look will endure for eternity.