Craig Not Budging on His List

Craig Newmark, founder of Craigslist, is not DO YOU HEAR HIM? not going to discontinue the Erotic Section.

Next thing you know people will be saying it's his fault the Craigslist Killer murdered the unfortunate Julissa Brisman.

Note to potential killers: You shouldn't be texting people while you're about to rob, beat and murder an exotic masseuse like the asshole pictured above. It makes you too easy to catch. Remember: just cause you're in med school doesn't mean you have any common sense.

My Worst Nightmare

I'm sure most people would find this picture of a woman in a British nature garden utterly charming. Not me.

I'd rather be in a bathtub of snakes, but I'm sure that says more about me than it does about butterflies.

Leno Keeping His Chin Up

Word comes from Los Angeles that late night host, Jay Leno, drove himself to the hospital Thursday night and sorta checked himself in.

No one's saying what's wrong with him except when he got to the hospital he 'complained of not feeling well.' That narrows it down.

Fear not, he's allegedly cracking jokes with the hospital staff.

Leno will be 59 on Tuesday and has never missed a scheduled day of work in the 17 years he's hosted the Tonight Show.

Possibly he's realized that agreeing to host a five night a week primetime program for NBC later this year is akin to career suicide.

Jumpin' Jack Flash Player

This has become the story of my life.

I can no longer view videos or even some pictures on line because I don't have the latest version of Adobe's Flash Player.

It's not for lack of trying. I have tried many times to download the upgrade or upload the downgrade as the case may be. It's just not working.

I changed my internet settings. I downloaded a license agreement that should match the one imbedded in the flash player, all to no avail.

I e-mailed Adobe's customer service and asked them for help and I'm still waiting.

And waiting.

Lohan Dispels Rumors by Acting Like an Ass

In case you had any doubt what a sorry sack of shit Lindsay Lohan is, try to catch a repeat performance of her guest shot with Ellen DeGeneres today.

One wonders why LaLohan would appear on television supposedly to set the record straight, because you know all those tabloids say those horrible things about her, and then proceed to babble nonsensically.

First of all, Lindsay sounds as if she inhales Havana cigars, and lots of 'em. She claims to be working a lot. Doing what, she didn't say.

She didn't actually deny allegations, but managed to turn the phrases around and put them back in Ellen's lap. When Ellen suggested that maybe Lindsay should stay out of clubs even if just to avoid bad publicity, Lohan said she's not doing any such thing. Of course what she really said didn't make as much sense as that, but that's what she meant.

I think.

Crap Shoot

So what's a 22 year-old betrothed med student with a gambling jones going to do? Oh, wait, I know. Slaughter exotic masseuses after he robs them.

Authorities are scrambling to find a motive for Philip Markoff's alleged targeting of Craigslist chicks for robbery, beatings and the occasional murder.

They think he wanted to pay off gambling debts. Yeah, that would explain it.

Listen up, assholes, you rob a bank if you want to pay off your gambling debt. Not a hooker. Or you figure out how to get into grandpa's retirement fund.

People who know Mr. Markoff, or just peed next to him in the men's room once, are coming out of the woodwork. Some claim they never noticed anything wrong, others claim to have been aware of his 'dark side.'

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.

Mia Farrow Bein' Crazy

Horizontal stripes won't help

Mia Farrow announced in a blog in The Huffington Post yesterday that she's starting a hunger strike on April 27th to protest the crisis in Darfur.

It's nice to have a cause and something to believe in, but personally, Mia, I don't think anyone who is in a position to try to 'fix' things is going to give a rat's ass that you're existing on water.

Her last line is particularly ominous:

And when I can no longer continue, I pray another will take my place, and another-- until finally there is justice and peace for Darfur's people.

What does this mean ...'when I can no longer continue'...? Does that mean when she's starved to death?

Someone give her a (gentle) slap or two, please.

You Don't Have to be a Millionaire to Buy Your Very Own Slumdog

It'll just cost you 200,000 pounds. Little Rubina Ali's father has the 9-year-old up for sale according to a British tabloid, only her daddy's calling it 'adoption' not actual 'sale.'

Personally, I think she's probably worth every penny.

Madonna Determined to be Horse's Ass

Once again, Madonna has been thrown from the saddle.

Apparently, Ms. Ciccone Ritchie thinks that if she is some sort of equestrienne everyone will think she's just a few deaths removed from the monarchy of Great Britain instead of just a little gutter snipe from Detroit. Doggedly, she returned to riding after breaking some bones in a fall from a horse in 2005.

This time she blames her tumble on the papparazzi startling her steed as she rode in the Hamptons over the weekend.

Girl just cannot catch a break unless it's to her femur. It was just the other week the Malawi government refused her permission to adopt yet another one of their citizens.

Better luck with the horse.

There's No Place Like Home

The folks sitting behind the dugout should start bringing tomatoes.

You can't say the fans at yesterday's New York Yankees game didn't get to see a record breaker. Unfortunately, it wasn't the good kind. In their history, the Yankees have never allowed 14 runs against them in an inning, until yesterday that is.

Chien-Ming Wang, former wunderkind of the pitching staff, now has an E.R.A. of 34.50. If they send him down to the minors he could be claimed by another team; that is, assuming any other team thinks he has the potential to bounce back from his horrendous 0-3 start.

Can we just blame Wang for the Yankees hideous start this year? No, the bullpen is erratic, but then again, there isn't a pitcher in the pen who is geared to pitch as many innings as they've been required to this season.

All this is happening to a team that just opened its $1.5 - $2 billion stadium with a payroll of approximately $209 million.

If I was paying over $2000 a seat to watch crap like a Wang start, at the very least I would want my money back.

Here We Go Again

Playground?

Today we have the story of yet another mountain climber (yeah, because it's there, yada, yada, yada) who falls 1,000 feet into a ravine and ~get this ~ drags two teenagers with her.

Karin Vandenberg was hiking with her son and Steve Holding (who happens to be a billionaire), his wife and son on Mt. Olympus in Utah. Well, she fell. No surprise since none of the climbers had ropes or crampons to help with climbing on ice.

Ms. Vandenberg is dead and her son and the Holding boy are in serious condition.

Isn't there something criminal about dragging two teenagers up a mountain and then almost killing them? Wouldn't it have been better to watch the kids play soccer on a nice, flat field?

Oh, excuse me. That wouldn't have been exciting enough.

In my mind this mountain climbing lunacy and dragging minors along is akin to locking toddlers in cars when the temperature hovers around 90 degrees.

It just ain't right.

Going Out on a Limb Here ...

Unfortunately this is going to be just one more place where you're going to hear about 'singing sensation' Susan Boyle.

In case you haven't had any contact with the media in the last week, Ms. Boyle appeared on "Britain's Got Talent" and caused an uprising with her a cappella singing. No one could believe that a 47-year-old woman who seems to be working on a unibrow could sing as well as she!

Well now she's everywhere.

Allegedly she's never been kissed, lives with a cat (or cats) and yet has this wonderful singing voice.

Yes, Ms. Boyle has a nice voice. Spectacular, no. Is the world just intrigued that a woman like her can sing? Or that a woman like her would go on national television and sing?

Obviously she's got some chutzpah to begin with or she wouldn't have gone on the program.

Are we all just too hungry for a Cinderella story? Have we blown the need for the winning underdog out of proportion?

Soon-Yi or Sue Me?

Fashion Icon, Woody Allen

American Apparel used an image of Woody Allen on a billboard ad without his permission. It was a picture of him from the movie "Annie Hall" wherein he was dressed as an Hasidic Jew. Mr. Allen has sued them for $10 million.

American Apparel has decided to focus on Woody's lurid sexual history in an attempt to prove that in no way is the use of his image worth $10 million. Ten cents, maybe. They're bringing up ex-lover Mia Farrow's allegations that he sexually abused their daughter, not to mention how the Woodman up and married Farrow's adopted daughter.

Personally, I find the concept that Woody Allen even has a sex life to be nauseating, but that's just me.

Says Allen, "I've always been, from the start of my career, a special taste."

I don't even want to contemplate what he tastes like. Blech.

India's Next Top Model

You go, girls!

Nuns on the Run

Ah! The spirit of the Spanish Inquisition lives on in the Catholic Church!

The Vatican is conducting an 'investigation' of nuns in the U.S.

The Leadership Conference of Women Religious was informed March 10th that the Vatican will be investigating their 'initiatives' in particular areas that are of concern.

Ordinatio sacerdotalis for starters. This is the doctrine that says that only men can be priests. Period. End of story.

Dominus Jesus, a declaration that, in part, insisted that non-Catholic Christians are “in a gravely deficient situation in comparison with those who, in the church, have the fullness of the means of salvation” and that non-Catholic Christian communities suffer “defects."

And last, but certainly not least, “the problem of homosexuality,” or as the current Pope wrote when he was Cardinal Ratzinger in 1986: “Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil; and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.”

Right.

Hmmmm, let's see American nuns don't want to promote the Vatican's crap. And that's a bad thing?

Here's hoping the nuns box the ears of the investigators and whack them with their yardsticks.

New York Archbishop is Happy Dude

Today Archbishop Timothy Dolan was installed as New York City's new Catholic shepherd.

From his editorial that appears in today's New York Daily News:

I aim to be a happy bishop, sharing joys and laughs with you. So you will see me at the St. Patrick's parade, and at the new Yankee Stadium... and

My mission is to remind New Yorkers that they must welcome God to this "capital of the world" as warmly as they have welcomed so many others.

He took the opportunity during his homily at this afternoon's installation to mention social issues such as abortion (he's against it) and the sanctity of marriage (he's for it).

He also mentioned that the church lacks “power and clout, property and prestige.” And further: “Forget it. Those days are gone, if they ever existed at all.”

That presumably is for those who might still be planning to sue the Church for sexual offenses committed by priests. Fuggedabowdit.

Russian Coon Wanted Dinner and a Movie First

You may find this hard to believe, but a Russian guy, Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken binge one weekend. No, that's not the unbelievable part. Whilst drunk (or so they say) Alexander thought it would be a great idea to rape a raccoon. I don't care how drunk you get, how do you ever think that's a good idea?

When he leaped on the animal to do the deed, the raccoon bit off his penis.

The most amazing part of this story? Russian surgeons actually tried to reattach Alexander's mangled member.

No report on their success.

Kids Do the Darndest Things Redux

Warning: This is not real

No matter how old you are, an inability to distinguish reality from fantasy can be a distinct drawback.

Take the recent case of 9-year-old Damori Miles. Damori's favorite PlayStation game was "Smackdown Raw." Deciding to imitate Jeff Harding's swan dive in the game, Damori fashioned himself a parachute and then jumped off the roof of his building. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Yes, kids are impressionable, but there's a big line between that and delusional.

How long before Damori's mother sues Sony and everyone else in the Western world?

Bounty: The Quicker Picker-Upper

Ron Paul has a terrific idea on how to stop the piracy that's become all too common place these days.

Hire bounty hunters. Yes, there's a provision in the Constitution for it. We won't get into the technicalities here.

We all know how successful the U.S. has been by putting a bounty on Osama Bin Laden's head, but seriously, this could really work.

Andrew Grotto, a senior national security analyst with the Center for American Progress, has said: “What happens when a ship flying under Congress accidentally takes out an aid ship bound for Somalia? At what time does an act seem pirate-like enough to cross the line? Do we really want these snap judgments being made on the fly in waters thousands of miles away from Washington? This is not Johnny Depp we’re dealing with.”

Nevertheless, it sounds like it could be fun.

If the 'Answers in Genesis', What the Hell was the Question?

I'll admit it, I don't get this commercial or whatever it's supposed to be. Produced by a Christian evangelical group, Answers in Genesis, they make the Taliban look like Grandma's Quilting Bee.