Erection Set

Sure it's all fun and games until somebody loses a penis.

The man with the pixeled face above is a 66-year-old farmer from Colombia who took a truckload of Viagra and had an erection lasting several days, all to please his new girlfriend.  By the time he figured out something was amiss and made his way to a hospital, he was suffering from a fractured penis that had also developed gangrene.  They transferred the dude and his never ending boner to another hospital where the doctors decided the only solution was to cut the damn thing off.

Voila!  Problem solved.  A life saved!

Apparently dudes around the world who are looking to get hard are misusing erection enhancing drugs.  Perhaps they don't have access to American commercials where guys are warned that an erection lasting more than four hours isn't good.  Oh, and that these pills can make you go blind or deaf or maybe kill you.

Deaf, Dumb and Blind

Another new study is out, boys and girls! And in this one, there is proof positive that taking Viagra can lead to hearing loss.

What???!!!

Okay, and this is just the hearing loss aspect of the PDE-5i drugs (Cialis and Levitra are two others) which is all the study was examining. Never mind that you might have an erection lasting four hours or more (which, believe it or not, is not good) or loss of vision. That's for another study.

Batter Up!

This is romantic?

We know who advertisers think are watching the baseball playoffs: Middle aged men with a host of dysfunction.

Take Cialis. Please. One of our first blogs was about this medication designed to combat ED. They're still running those sorry ads with the couple in the bathtubs. How is this sexually stimulating? Yeah, I love my woman so we take baths in side-by-side tubs. I don't care how much Cialis you take, buddy, this is not going to stiffen you up.

Then we have the ad for Viagra with the gray-haired dude talking to his reflection in the store windows. Listen, guy, you've got bigger problems than the inability to get hard. Let's talk to the doc about our psychosis, shall we?

We've got Avodart for the enlarged prostate in case you're pissing off your friends by having to pee every time you pass a men's room. By the way, Avodart is so dangerous it shouldn't even be touched by women. Which prompts me to ask: if your man takes Avodart and you exchange bodily fluids, aren't you taking this drug by default? If you're pregnant and carrying a male fetus, this drug could cause the fetus's genitals to mutate or something. I'd tell my guy to get a catheter instead.

And of course these dudes are concerned about their cholesterol and their hair loss too. Don't worry, middle aged men, we have drugs for those too. Catch us between the sixth and seventh innings.

For the happy times there are iPhones featuring a decidedly older celebrity line-up and a song by Cat Stevens. So before you decide to end it all, you can call your friends.