Year of the Tigers

I don't know about you kids, but I've heard all I ever want to hear about Tiger Woods. But because it's the Lunar Year of the Tiger does that mean that it won't end ~ at least for another year?

And Johnny Damon has signed with the Detroit Tigers? Please! My heart is breaking and my brain doesn't understand it. Okay, $8 million is a pay cut? Not for most of us. In any event, I think it's time for Scott Boras and Brian Cashman to find some other line of work.

Not Out of Woods Yet

After going through sex rehab at a strip mall in Mississippi, story is that Tiger Woods is ready to apologize to the public.

Allegedly he and Elin have decided to live apart and that he'll be back golfing in April.

He's obviously looking to get back into everyone's good graces so that he can continue to rake in the bucks for winning tournaments and selling razor blades.

Tiger Seeks a Gentle Path

Allegedly this is the rehab center where Tiger Woods is learning how to keep his pants zipped.

WTF? It looks like a family restaurant in a strip mall. Aren't these places usually overlooking the Pacific with hot and cold running slaves to attend to the patients' every whim? And where is Dr. Drew?

Believe it or not this place is in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I had no idea the great state of Mississippi had so much to offer. Sure, we scoff and make fun of it for being the fattest state and having the highest number of teenage pregnancies, but seriously, it's time we took a new look at the home of Gentle Path.

Sign me up.

Tiger Out of the Woods?

Rumor (by way of People magazine) has it that Elin Nordegren Woods (shown above throwing one of their kids at Tiger) is not going to seek a divorce from her philandering husband for the sake of the children.

Yeah, sure, honey. How many paramours are we up to at the latest count? Are we into double digits yet? Have you no self respect?

Sorry, Elin, I'm not buying it. All your sticking by your man means to me is that a) you're a dope and b) you have a lousy pre-nup.

U.S. News Wrap-Up

In case you haven't been out of your cave recently, I'd like to catch you up on what's been capturing the attention of the media.

Take Tiger Woods. It seems as if everyone else has. After his car crash last week and the subsequent allegations that he's been cheating on his wife, it seems that all of his paramours are coming out of the woodwork. I mean, how has this guy had time to play golf with all the schtupping he's apparently been doing?

Then there's the couple who crashed the White House State Dinner.

Tareq and Michaele Salahi wangled their way into last week's State Dinner in what seems to have been the final episode of the Bravo Reality show soon to hit the airwaves, "Real Housewives of Washington, D.C." There's something seriously wrong with this country where just about everything turns into a television show.

But if a well-loved athlete unable to keep his pants zipped and a couple of starry-eyed hustlers supping with the President don't shock you, how about this? Meredith Birney, who portrayed Elyse Keaton on the beloved Family Ties show, has announced she's gay. Gay! Mrs. Keaton! Yup, she's 62 and discovered just a few years ago that she was gay. How is that possible? She's now been with her girlfriend for four years after realizing she was a lesbian seven years ago. Didn't she have an inkling after any one of her three marriages didn't work out? What do Alex and Mallory think? Jennifer and little Andrew? Sheesh.

Good Sports

Remember when Serena Williams blew her cool at the U.S. Open in September and threw a few f*bombs around the court? Well, she's gotten the bill for her temper tantrum and she's been fined $82,500.

Now to the average person that's a lot of money but when you're a sports superstar it's chump change.

Personally I think she should be fined for the atrocious ensembles she wears in public, from bikinis that cover nothing, to denim tennis skirts, to boob-a-lot evening gowns, but that's just my opinion.

Okay, so maybe you're not wild about Serena, but heck, everyone loves Tiger Woods! Right? Ever since his car accident the other night rumors have been running rampant. Was his wife trying to beat him over the head with a golf club? Has he been cheating on her?

Although the accident took place on a public street and he hit a fire hydrant, not to mention his neighbor's tree, he and his bride have refused to talk to the police. If that were you or I would we be allowed to keep mum? I suspect not. We probably wouldn't be water boarded, but the coppers would get the story out of us somehow.

Is the golf star being treated differently because everyone likes him or because he's a billionaire? You decide.

Tiger Out of the Woods?

Thankfully everyone still had their bibs on from Thanksgiving dinner when the news about Tiger Woods' car accident hit the newswires so that they had something with which to soak up their drool.

At 2:25 a.m. Friday morning Tiger crashed his Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and a tree not far from his Florida mansion.

Supposedly his wife, Elin, broke the window of the vehicle with a golf club to free him from the vehicle. Hmmmm. Was she really trying to free him or was she trying to beat him over the head with it?

Zooming along the gossip rails is the rumor that Woods was having an affair with a New York nightclub 'hostess' who naturally denies the story. Rumor further says Mrs. Woods scratched her hubby's face in a rage and that was why he ran out of the house in the middle of the night and drove away in his SUV.

Allegedly he wasn't drunk and he appears to have suffered no ill effects from the crash.

We certainly wish him well and hope his car insurance rates don't increase because of this.