Fairy Tales

Adam Lambert wants to be taken seriously. Sorry, but I have a hard time with that considering he's on the cover of Rolling Stone in eyeliner with a butterfly in his crotch and a snake yearning to be there.

Madam Lambert criticized Clay Aiken for coming out to People magazine. So it's cooler to do it in Rolling Stone? Does that make him a musician or something?

Was there anyone who watched this season of American Idol who did not know he was gay? Apparently there were enough viewers/voters who thought his caterwauling defied music as we have come to know it.

Pot Calls Kettle Black

Clay Aiken, who you may remember from Season 2 of American Idol, has totally dissed this season's runner-up, Adam Lambert.

Hmmm, let's see now. Gay man comes in second in American Idol voting. Why does that sound familiar?

For $29.95 you too could have a special membership to ClayOnline.com and have read this yourself firsthand.

He claims to only watch the show once a season and this year had the misfortune of catching Madame Lambert singing "Ring of Fire" which allegedly made Clay think his ears would start bleeding!

Meow, Clay. Want a saucer of warm milk?

Thank God! American Idol Finished for Season

I feel obligated to report that last night the American Idol winner was announced. I haven't watched the show in months, but I have been keeping up with the weekly hi-jinx via the internets.

Kris Allen, despite the fact that he is married, won. Adam Lambert was the runner-up. Adam, I predicted in March, was too gay-goth to actually win the whole shebang, or hebang. Nevertheless I'm surprised the tweens voted for Kris Allen, although Ted Haggard may indeed have voted for him a few thousand times.

Don't You Believe It

Did you know broke, former mega-evangelist, cured homosexual Ted Haggard is an American Idol fan? Well, you can bet your 100' illuminated cross he is!

And get this ~ he's pretending he's voting for Kris, not Adam. Yeah, sure. Just so you know he doesn't like boys anymore that way.

No Contest

This just doesn't seem right

I have been remiss in my television pseudo-entertainment reporting duties, and for that I apologize.

Take Dancing with the Stars. Please. Since I first reported on this season's contestants, about half of them were injured and had to drop out. Since then, another half have been eliminated. Last night David Alan Grier was booted off.

Fan favorites are Shawn Johnson, teen-aged gymnast who has her very own stalker, and Melissa who was shafted by "The Bachelor."

I have foresaken American Idol. Yup, didn't watch last night and probably won't watch ever again if I can maintain my sanity. Simple reason ~ it sucks. Enough said.

American Idol Predictions

This little lady who facially looks a lot like Dolly Parton and sang one of Dolly's songs, got sent packing last night on American Idol.

The judges chose not to use their one and only 'save' to keep her on the program. Wise choice, I think.

So now we're down to the Final 10 ~ the group that will tour this summer.

Who will be the next American Idol? Not sure, but I think I can safely say who will not be the next AI.

Don't think anyone who is married will win. That eliminates Michael, Lil, and Kris. Not sure if Matt is married or not, but I don't think so.

I think Adam is a little too gay/goth to win. Megan Joy is too tatted for the American public.

Allison was in the bottom three last night, so I don't think that bodes well for the future.

Anoop could surprise unless he's too ethnic for America. Once Scott loses the sympathy vote because he's blind, he'll be gone.

So that leaves us with Danny (who's a widower and that no doubt plays well) and Matt with possibly Anoop.

Just my opinion, folks.

American Idol Surprises

Last night two contestants were sent packing ~ Jasmine Murray and Jorge Nunez ~ and the judges chose not to 'rescue' either one of them. Of course, these were two of the singers who were put into the Wild Card slots by those very same judges.

Yes, that's a new twist for Season 8. The judges have a One Time Only rescue ticket wherein they can override the votes of the American public and reinstate someone who has been voted off, but they chose not to rescue either Jasmine or Jorge.

I was on the edge of my seat last night not to see who would leave (since that was pretty obvious from the mediocre performances the night before) but to see if Paula Abdul's boobs were going to bounce right out of her low-cut dress. Actually, bounce isn't the right word since those girls haven't bounced in about 20 years.

Why American Idol Sucks this Season

SPOILER ALERT

I'd like to go on record as saying I don't like this season's method of selecting the Final 12 for American Idol. Of course, no one asked me first.

It seems like a month ago (but it wasn't) that we had the first 12 contestants compete and then "America voted" and 3 were selected.

Then we had the next 12.

This week the next.

We ended up with 9 contestants ~ 3 female, 6 male.

Then last night the judges selected 8 competitors for the "wild card" spots. This means they picked the contestants they thought would boost ratings, i.e. Tatiana del Toro pictured above. Is Tatiana this year's Sanjaya? Well, no, 'cause she can sing somewhat, but she definitely wins the award for Most Obnoxious and Contestant You Would Love to Shoot with a Harpoon Gun.

They also selected Von Smith who was sporting an Ed Grimley haircut, tatted but cute Megan Corkrey from Utah (are tattoos even legal in Utah?), and six others not worth remembering.

BORING!

There's a reason why America didn't vote for these 8 ~ cause they don't deserve it.

Idol Contestant Begs for Votes Due to Her Advanced Age

Jeanine Vailes, Bartender

Knows how to make a whiskey sour

How does Jeanine Vailes make a whiskey sour? Just by singing to it.

In American Idol last night, Ms. Vailes sang (and we use the word loosely) the Maroon 5 song, "This Love." It was truly awful and the judges critiqued it as such.

Jeanine, who evidently has no pride, literally begged them to say something positive about her performance. Randy Jackson obliged by telling her the best part was when it was over.

Jeanine then went on to repeatedly mention that she is the oldest contestant (at 28 she is obviously just days away from receiving her first Social Security check), as if she should be in contention just because she can't come back next year and try again, you know, unless they make the cut-off age 62.

Begging like that is really unseemly, and even though Ms. Vailes has terrific legs she does not have any singing talent. How she got this far is a mystery.

Oh, and note to all contestants: When Ryan Seacrest gives the phone number that your adoring fans can call to vote for you, don't hold up your fingers indicating the last digit; i.e. three fingers for the number 3. If you do that, I don't care how good you sang, I won't vote for you. Just sayin'.