Liver Worst ... Worser

Never under any circumstances should you eat this.

The last time my groceries were delivered and after the delivery guy had long since left, I discovered that instead of sliced mesquite turkey I had been given sliced liverwurst.

Yes, liverwurst. Boar's Head Lite Liverwurst to be precise.

Instead of being a raging bitch I decided to keep the liverwurst, maybe even give it a taste. I recall that my mother loved liverwurst and I had a fondness for it as a child although it's been decades since I've eaten it, but you know how parents are. They do things like try to convince you that prunes are delicious.

I've sworn off most meat these days. Don't really care for it although I do like my poultry. Ah, yes! Turkey on Thanksgiving, etc. But I would no more put a piece of calves' liver in my mouth than my own liver.

So why would I think that this liverwurst would be edible? Do I want to know what's in it? No, absolutely not. I don't want to know how it's made or where or anything about it, but instead of tossing it in the trash I seem to have worked up some crazy guilt over wasting food.

I figure I'll make a sandwich so I toast an English muffin and get out a slice of roasted red pepper. Then I slap two slices of liverwurst and the pepper on the muffin and eat.

The first thing I'm not prepared for are my teeth sinking into the meat. It has the consistency of sponge and the taste of dirty sponge, maybe one that's been sitting under your sink for a while beneath the pipe that has a small leak.

What I really don't want to do is chew it. It has spices in it that aren't bad, but masticating just reminds me that it has the texture of shoe insoles.

And there's the smell. The spices are pleasant enough but there's that underlying aroma of meat and nasty meat at that. Like something out of a can. A can from Grandma's depression pantry.

Somehow I manage to swallow the sandwich while trying to convince my mind that my body isn't actually ingesting anything except an English muffin and a pepper. It almost works.

The rest of the wurst is going into the trash. Starving people wouldn't even eat this shit, believe me.