Make It Work!

Loser

The fifth season of Project Runway debuted a few weeks ago on Bravo.

Admittedly, I am late to the party. I did not watch seasons one and two at all, but I admit to watching seasons three and four and totally enjoying them.

Of course, the designers I root for don't win, and neither do the designs I like.

I guess I am just not on the same wave length as Michael Kors, Heidi Klum and the woman from Elle, Nina Garcia.

Those little details haven't kept me from enjoying the show in the past, but this year I am just not into it.

Maybe it's the contestants.

The first week we lost Jerry, who was Asian and didn't strike me as a fashion designer at all, but more like the guy who runs your IT department at the office. Apparently the judges felt the same way. Austin Scarlett, who was a contestant on season one and did not win, was a guest judge the week Jerry got the boot. Austin dresses like Oscar Wilde if that gives you a clue where he's coming from.

Week 2 contestant Wesley got the ax. Wesley and his creation were non-descript so you'll just have to watch the rerun to find out more. Natalie Portman was the guest judge. In case you didn't know it, Natalie Portman is about three feet tall, but cute as a button.

Last night, Emily got booted off the show. Emily thought her creation (shown above) was terrific. The judges (including guest judge Sandra Bernhard) did not agree. This week Emily was the one who was cute as a button.

Of the contestants who remain, I can describe only a few.

There is a woman named Stella who is a middle aged biker chick, but who you may have seen in convenience stores around the country behind the counter with a butt hanging out of her mouth. Stella doesn't take any shit from anybody -- you can just tell. Maybe the judges are afraid of her. This week she drove everyone crazy by pounding on leather with a mallet. The first week she made an outfit out of black trash bags and nearly lost.

Then there's Blayne who is probably on anti-psychotic medications and likes to go tanning.

Suede is actually made out of flesh and speaks of himself in the third person.

There are two girls named Leanne and Jennifer who, until last night, I thought were just one contestant.

As there seems to be every season, there's one straight guy, one tattooed girl, a black woman and a black woman with a bad attitude. And there are a few other people.

So far no one has admitted to being HIV positive, but we've only had three episodes.

I'm hoping they're going to amp it up during the coming weeks or I will not be coming back for another season.