It was 5:11 a.m. when the phone rang. I plucked the receiver out of the cradle before it had another opportunity to assault me. That's the trouble with the phone ringing when you're asleep. Your physical reaction is just way ahead of your mental capacity.
"Hell0?" My heart was thumping, but my voice, I thought, was calm.
"I don't know how to tell you this..." The words were said in a man's voice, one that seemed decently educated.
Immediately my brain dissected this information. What does it mean? If he doesn't know how to tell me something, it must be bad. Really bad. Don't know who it is, but obviously he's given this call a great deal of thought.
"...but you're a faggot."
I hung up.
It had been a prank call. Damn.
Since I am a woman, it would be impossible for me to be a faggot unless I have totally missed some newly accepted meaning of the word.
But I started thinking, if he didn't know how to tell me I was a faggot, why didn't he wait to call until he had a better handle on how to go about it? Or maybe he didn't know how to tell me because I was a woman.
And when I looked at the caller ID, the number was listed as "PRIVATE."
So I wonder about this guy and about the urgency of his message. Had he reached the wrong number? Did he dial at random? Was he on a crusade to notify women across America that they were faggots, but didn't really know how to break the news to them?
He has not called back, but if he does, I have a list of questions I'm going to ask.
1 comment:
crank calls. there seems to be a need in some people to have this outlet to express themselves.
got me wondering what these type of people did before the phone was invented.
was the archangel gabriel afflicted with this psychological pathology? as a teen did he say to his buddies. "guys!guys!guys!listen to this...I got a great idea. i'll go down to earth and tell that lady over there...oh this is too good... that she's gonna be...get this... the mother of god. imagine the look on her face!?! wait wait wait, i just thought... this'll be great... outrageous... she'll think no one can make THIS up... i'll tell her she'll remain a virgin. a Virgin! god! where do i come up with this stuff... i'm TOO good."
then again maybe that wasn't the first crank call. maybe cosby got it right.
it was god calling on Noah:
G: Noah!
N: yes God
G: I want you to build me an ark!
N: Yes God.....God?....what's an ark?
or maybe it was the caveman sending smoke signals:
"how many pizzas was that?... WHICH village over WHICH hill?... Wait... let me speak to your mother."
CLICK
or maybe it was some amoeba floating around a puddle and says to the other, "i don't know how to tell you this..."
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