I Know You Are But What Am I?

Lindsay Lohan, troubled child star, has been selected to play another troubled child star albeit a deceased one, Liz Taylor, in a Lifetime movie.

Ms. Lohan whose most recent work in Hollywood concerns being arrested and appearing in court has her problems with substance abuse not unlike Ms. Taylor did, so perhaps it's a good fit and not as ridiculous as some might think.

Like Rosie O'Donnell.  Why is Rosie O'Donnell still in the slightest bit relevant? 

She appeared on the Today Show to put in her two cents about this cinematic avalanche brewing on the mountain.

Among the various things O'Donnell said about Lohan was:  "I don't think she's right for the role, and I don't think she's capable at this point of doing what's needed to portray that character. I think the interest level in her has waned significantly."

Perhaps that's true, Rosie but the interest level in you has also waned significantly.

Chances are also good that interest in Liz has also waned significantly.

So why is this happening?

Quelle Mess!

You've probably heard by now that Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. Whatever.

The real news is that while she was in court she doodled 'fuck u' on her fingernail.

Now assuming that's not some photoshopped addition to her actual manicure, one would wonder who was Lilo addressing? The judge? Most likely.

She really did have room to write 'you' instead of just 'u,' but I'm guessing she didn't want to waste the time. Or maybe she doesn't know how to spell 'you.'

Happy Birthday Lilo!

Lindsay Lohan turned 24 today and to celebrate she got punched in the face by a waitress at a club in L.A.

Hard to tell if her lip is collagen puffy or punch puffy.

Lindsay, dear, you're not aging well. You look worse than women twice your age.

Lindsay Lohan Stars in Lost

If you weren't glued to your television watching the series' finale of LOST, you've probably been fiddling your worry beads to death over Lindsay Lohan.

The judge ordered she wear a booze detecting bracelet around her ankle. Please explain to me how that works. Is she going to be hoisting champagne bottles to her lips with her feet? Oh, and she has to submit to weekly drug tests even while on a shoot in Texas. I am amazed. Amazed that anyone is still hiring her for anything.

The legal saga started when an intoxicated Lohan crashed a Mercedes into a tree while drunk in Beverly Hills in May 2007. She racked up another drunken driving arrest two months later after chasing her former assistant's mother in a vehicle.

She spent 84 minutes in jail before being sentenced to three years' probation and an 18-month alcohol education program which she hasn't been attending. I mean, how can you go to them when they're not in Cannes?

Lohan Dispels Rumors by Acting Like an Ass

In case you had any doubt what a sorry sack of shit Lindsay Lohan is, try to catch a repeat performance of her guest shot with Ellen DeGeneres today.

One wonders why LaLohan would appear on television supposedly to set the record straight, because you know all those tabloids say those horrible things about her, and then proceed to babble nonsensically.

First of all, Lindsay sounds as if she inhales Havana cigars, and lots of 'em. She claims to be working a lot. Doing what, she didn't say.

She didn't actually deny allegations, but managed to turn the phrases around and put them back in Ellen's lap. When Ellen suggested that maybe Lindsay should stay out of clubs even if just to avoid bad publicity, Lohan said she's not doing any such thing. Of course what she really said didn't make as much sense as that, but that's what she meant.

I think.