L.A. Stink

The world's most revolting couple has announced that it's engaged.

You remember Jesse James who used to be married to Sandra Bullock? Remember how he cheated on her with another heavily tattooed woman named Michelle "Bombshell" McGee? Okay, maybe not, but what is it with this guy and the painted ladies? To tell you the truth, I thought these chicks were one and the same.

Apparently love is really blind.

Will Kat bag her tattoo parlor in LA to join the man she loves in Austin, Texas or will it be the other way around? I'm sure it will be worked into one or the other's reality television show.

Wonderful World

OMG, you guys! It's almost totally like Juno if Ellen Page and Michael Cera were thirty years older and Michael Cera was Jesse James!

Before Sandra Bullock kicked Jesse's ass to the curb, they were going to adopt a baby and now she's going to raise him alone! Just like Jennifer Gardner did, sort of.

Best of all, the baby is actually Louis Armtrong reincarnated! Yup, and he's even named Louis!

Sandy's going to buy him a huge white handkerchief and trumpet I just know it!

Crime Stopper

I may have underestimated Sandra Bullock. I had no idea she's as smart as she is.

Seems she got the Outlaw Jesse James to sign a pre-nuptial agreement in which he agrees to get nothing if their marriage is dissolved because he cheated on his very rich bride.

Bingo!

Okay, so his other marriages ended because he was cheating so maybe Sandy's not exactly brilliant, but snaps to you, girlfriend.

Understandably he wants to save their marriage since he might have to get an actual job if she divorces him.

The Blind Side

Holy Mother of God ~ What the hell is this?

Remember last week when Sandra Bullock won the Best Actress Oscar and she and her husband seemed so happy, so freaking idyllic.

Well, let me tell you it's been revealed that Jesse James, Mr. Sandra Bullock, cheated on his bride with the person pictured above.

Yes! That's a person. Her name is Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, and for some reason which I do not even pretend to comprehend, she is the 'other woman.'

Now I admit that I don't know what Mr. Bullock does for a living. Isn't he in love with motorcycles or something? Okay, that may or may not mean he has a teeny weeny penis to begin with. But if I had a teeny weeny penis I would never in a million years insert it into this Bombshell.

Come on, Jesse! Were you momentarily struck blind or something? Did you make her wear a bag on her head? I mean when you look up 'grotesque' in the dictionary, this is the picture that comes with the definition.

It isn't even the plastic boobs and all the tattoos. Look at her eyebrows! They're painted on! What happened to her real ones? Were they burned off in a meth accident?

She looks like a creature in Avatar Meets Zombieland.

I hope Sandra kicks your sorry little ass to the curb, Mister. And for God's sake, get tested for every STD you can think of.