Kind of a Drag

Some grandparents just have 'fun' written all over them.

Take Belinda Jean and Paul Berloni.  Please.  And lock them up and throw away the keys after you pour hot coffee down their throats for 72 hours.

Belinda Jean (BJ for short!) and Paul got liquored up and decided it would be a fabulous idea to tow their seven year old granddaughter in her toy car behind their SUV.

It should not surprise you that this took place in Sarasota, FL, favorite habitat of forty-something grandparents who like to get drunk and drive.

When the cops finally pulled them over, Belinda Jean said they just wanted to have some fun and that they'd been doing this all day.  Note:  the Hot Wheels was tethered to their SUV with a couple of dog leashes.

Grandpa Paul has no license since he's been arrested at least three times for drunk driving and lost it ten years ago.

Seriously BJ and Paul are now in jail awaiting a bond hearing.

Kiss and Shells

This woman is 92-year-old Helen Staudinger and she's love starved and crazy.

She went over to her neighbor's house in Ocala, Florida the other day and told 53-year-old sex god Dwight Bettner she was not leaving without a kiss. After arguing and not giving her what she wanted, she stormed back home, loaded up her .380 semi, went back and shot up his house.

This wasn't the first time that Bettner's had trouble with his amorous neighbor. He said she once tried to strangle a woman he was dating.

You will be relieved to know she was arrested on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and shooting at a dwelling.

Anyway we can yank her weapon from her, second amendment activists not withstanding?

Florida Church Plans Interfaith Barbeque

I hope you're solidifying your travel plans to Florida this September so you can participate in the mass burnings of the Koran to commemorate 9/11.

Terry Jones, pictured above and looking more like Tony Sirico than anyone has a right to, is really just a righteous preacher.

On September 11, 2010, the ninth anniversary of the attack, Terry is encouraging folks to bring the Koran to his Gainesville, Florida non-denominational church, Dove World Outreach Center, between 6 and 9 p.m. for a huge bonfire.

"We believe that Islam is of the devil, that it's causing billions of people to go to hell, it is a deceptive religion, it is a violent religion and that is proven many, many times," says Pastor Terry.

Never mind that this is going to piss a lot of people off, Pastor Terry. This is America, as you have reminded us, and we can do whatever the hell we want!

No Shit, Sherlock

So there you are, hanging out at home with the fam in Stuart, Florida when you hear a crash in your backyard. You check it out and it's this dude! He's naked and (get this) he's covered with shit! And he's jumped into your nice swimming pool!

Robert S. Higgins (pictured above less the shit), 21 years old, was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft.

Oh, and he was drunk.

He was chased by a K-9 unit (must have been easy due to the aroma) and apparently was arrested for theft because he took a towel.

Sounds to me like the poor guy was just trying to, you know, get cleaned up.

I'm waiting to hear how he had his fecal accident.