Batter Up!

This is romantic?

We know who advertisers think are watching the baseball playoffs: Middle aged men with a host of dysfunction.

Take Cialis. Please. One of our first blogs was about this medication designed to combat ED. They're still running those sorry ads with the couple in the bathtubs. How is this sexually stimulating? Yeah, I love my woman so we take baths in side-by-side tubs. I don't care how much Cialis you take, buddy, this is not going to stiffen you up.

Then we have the ad for Viagra with the gray-haired dude talking to his reflection in the store windows. Listen, guy, you've got bigger problems than the inability to get hard. Let's talk to the doc about our psychosis, shall we?

We've got Avodart for the enlarged prostate in case you're pissing off your friends by having to pee every time you pass a men's room. By the way, Avodart is so dangerous it shouldn't even be touched by women. Which prompts me to ask: if your man takes Avodart and you exchange bodily fluids, aren't you taking this drug by default? If you're pregnant and carrying a male fetus, this drug could cause the fetus's genitals to mutate or something. I'd tell my guy to get a catheter instead.

And of course these dudes are concerned about their cholesterol and their hair loss too. Don't worry, middle aged men, we have drugs for those too. Catch us between the sixth and seventh innings.

For the happy times there are iPhones featuring a decidedly older celebrity line-up and a song by Cat Stevens. So before you decide to end it all, you can call your friends.