This dude, whose eyes appear to glow with a demonic quality, has been driving around Philadelphia asking women to masturbate him with a slice of Swiss cheese.
No, he's serious and the cops are looking for him.
A woman whose name is Gabby Chest (now why would anyone make that up?) reports he came on to her on OKCupid.
He's not shy about asking and he's explained how this fetish came to be:
"I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls."
This still does not explain how Philadelphia Cream Cheese came into being.
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