Sure I know the pope. Yeah, this one, the one we got now. Pope John Paul II.
I thought I was married to another guy, but before I knew it I was sharing the marital bed with the pope too. Two guys and me in the same bed? Sound kinky? It wasn't.
News flash: The Roman Catholic Church is more obsessed with sex than any teenager.
Maybe I was incredibly gullible, but I thought the pope and the church had better things to do than worry about whether or not I was on the pill. Didn't they have some saints to name or kids to molest? Apparently not enough to keep them out of my bedrooom.
Then this guy I was married to got on the bandwagon with them, and the next thing I know he's bringing home books called, "Natural Family Planning," and cassettes about how the only form of birth control acceptable to use is the rhythm method.
You remember that old joke, don't you?
Q: What do they call people who use the rhythm method?
A: Parents.
Well, I kept on using my diaphragm or what soon became my favorite form of birth control -- abstinence. Abstinence is natural too, but it sort of defeated the purpose of being married according to the folks who buy into the whole natural family planning scene.
In case you haven't been paying attention, you have to be married to have sex. Oh, and you shouldn't just be married and having sex but actually having sex with the person you're married to. I know, I know, it gets confusing.
Apparently this natural birth control stuff is very important to the pope. I think he likes women looking at their vaginal excretions to see if they're fertile. Folks claim there is a way to do this, but personally I'd rather take my chances at the craps table.
Anyway, it seems really weird to me that sex is the only area that the pope and his comrades want to have natural. That's it. Just sex. Well okay, maybe they're not big on cloning either, but they don't care if you only eat organic.
Case in point: The pope gets the flu or he gets shot, and the next thing you know he's taking advantage of everything that medical science has to offer.
Seems a little too convenient if you ask me.
5 comments:
if absence makes the heart grow fonder would it follow that abstinence makes the heart go find her?
and then whatever it takes.
like slowly but surely trying to make inroads via the blog thing...
sorry about that last comment. i always get the wrong idea when a women initiates discussion on sex.
still don't know how it can be seen as anything else but a come on.
but really i know it isn't!
is it?
It's really not a come-on. Are you really the pope?
yea, i could be the pope
who are you?
is it time for the inquisition?
step into my dungeon...
(uh-oh am i doing it again?)
one week later:
uh-oh did god smite Moons for pope bashing
yoo-hoo, where are you....
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