A-Men

This morning I was thinking about the criteria I have as it pertains to men. And for those who might think otherwise, I do have standards regarding possible candidates for my attention:

• He should be of voting age (at least in the United States).
• He should never utter the word "Nascar" in a positive way.
• Preferably his parents should be dead, but if not, they should live on another planet.
• If he is balding, he should not wear a toupee.
• If he has hair, he must not have a mullet.
• He must have a sense of humor.
• He must make great eye contact (with me especially).
• He should be in touch with his feminine side, but not to the point of wearing women's lingerie.
• He should like sports (see bullet point #2, however). Rooting for teams based in Massachusetts negates any assets he might have.
• The consumption of drugs and alcohol should not be of paramount importance; in fact, it shouldn't be of any importance at all.
• He should not gamble except for the Super Bowl pool at his place of business.
• If he is unemployed, he must be independently wealthy.
• He should be able to spell and practice personal hygiene.
• He should not marinate in cologne.
• He should not spend more time in front of a mirror than I do.
• My happiness should be of paramount importance to him.

This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but it should give some of the essentials.