Better Off Ted

Of course you remember Ted Williams, he of the radio voice and history of addiction. Possibly you remember the smack down with his daughter and the appearances on Dr. Phil. Did you know he went to rehab and left after two weeks? Do you know why he left?

According to Williams, "My reason for leaving treatment was because it gave me a sense of being scripted...It became somewhat of a scripted circus and a form of anonymity was lost."

Yes, Ted, this is what happens when you hook up with Dr. Phil. Your life will be exploited.

Possibly Phil McGraw had good intentions at the start of his television career, but over the years his show has degenerated into the worst possible form of exploitation. Did you know that Dr. Phil has his own stable of "Real Housewives?"

You would get the same result of you slapped the identifying "Dr." in front of "Maury."

Under the guise of helping people, Dr. Phil corrals the most unfortunate on to his stage and then lectures them for their bad decisions.

Glad you escaped, Ted. Good luck.

Pretty Nomad

Remember the other day when the 53-year-old homeless man with the golden voice was discovered in Columbus, Ohio? He'd turned his life around by giving up the drugs, alcohol and women that had controlled him.

Offers of employment poured in. The Cleveland Cavaliers offered him a job. He got a shave and a haircut and some new clothes. He recorded a commercial for Kraft Macaronii & Cheese!

It was a heartwarming story. All Ted Williams he wanted to do was see his 90-year-old mother who was living in Brooklyn. Well, her and Matt Lauer and those other television folks. He told them intimate secrets, like crack had been his drug of choice.

Then all of a sudden his ex-wife popped out of the woodwork His ex-wife who he'd left for another woman. Not to mention the five kids he'd fathered.

Next thing you know Ted's meeting with Dr. Phil and his abandoned family. Ted and one of his daughters get into a brawl in a hotel room for which they were detained by police. She accused him of drinking every day which he denied.

Well, Ted's going to rehab. Supposedly.

It remains to be seen how this 'fairy tale' story ends. Does Ted go back to drugs and sleeping on the street? Or do he and Oprah embrace?

Now I hear Ted's got nine kids! None of whom he's ever supported.

If he goes to rehab I hope the first thing they teach him is how to use a condom.