I Got a Monk on My Back

No, this isn't some new cast member on Game of Thrones.  This guy is a for real monk named Father Benedict Groeschel.

Among other things, he's a television host and director of the Office for Spiritual Development for the Catholic Archdiocese of New York.  This week he gave an interview to the National Catholic Register. 

It's gone now because it was a wee bit controversial.  Seems that Friar Tuck here made a claim that "in a lot of cases" of abuse, "the youngster... is the seducer."

From what a person could make out from his insane ramblings he is also sympathetic towards Jerry Sandusky, referring to him as a 'poor guy.'

Listen, Catholic hierarchy, it's well known that you've been protecting pedophiles for millennia, but now that everybody knows you need to rein in nut jobs like this Santa look alike.

Although the 79-year-old has issued an apology (sort of), we are not accepting it and think he ought to be locked up with Jerry.

When is an Unplanned Pregnancy Similar to Rape? Never.

This is Tom Smith, allegedly, who is running for the United States Senate from the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

He was appalled, as were most people, when another Senate hopeful, Todd Akin, came out with his crazy ass remark about how women's bodies can 'shut down' a rapist's sperm that's hell bent on impregnating her.

Well, Tom's not that stupid and to prove it he says he has gone through something very similar to rape.  His unmarried daughter got knocked up after having consensual sex with a man.

It shouldn't even be necessary to point out that the two situations are not similar in the slightest; however, Mr. Smith (who hopefully won't go to Washington) just wasn't getting how dissimilar they were.

"What that congressman said I do not agree with at all," Smith said. "He should have never said anything like that.


"I lived something similar to that with my own family," he went on to say. "She chose life and I commend her for that. She knew my views but fortunately for me … she chose the way I thought. Now don't get me wrong. It wasn't rape."

Smith was then asked if his daughter's unwed pregnancy and rape were similar. "No, no, no. Put yourself in a father's position, yes, I mean it is similar," he said.

Asked again to clarify his statement, Smith said he wasn't comparing the two.

"No, I didn't not say that," Smith said. "I said I went through a situation (with a daughter). It's very, very difficult. But do I condone rape? Absolutely not. But do I propose life, yes I do. I'm pro-life, period.

Hallelujah!

As you may have heard, the Republican National Convention is being held this week in Tampa, Florida and a big ol' tropical storm named Isaac was headed right for it!

According to Rev. Jesten Peters who was interviewed by the Christian Broadcasting Network, Isaac was rebuffed by all the prayers that were said.

Of course, now Isaac is on track to pummel New Orleans on the seventh anniversary of Hurricane Katrina doing just that, but of course New Orleans is a godless mess of a city not unlike Sodom so they're on their own.

Don't Talk to Strangers

This man is the face of W.B. Mason, an office supplies store.  W.B. Mason is a sponsor of the New York Yankees and it's hard to watch a game without seeing one of their commercials.

Lately the W.B. Mason dude, with his cardboard cut-out moustache, has taken to lurking around kids.  Yeah, here's this scary dude in a huge box truck chatting it up with kids who are having trouble doing things like contacting the tooth fairy.  Why the Mason dude even yanks out one of his own teeth to get in touch with the tooth fairy!

Who is smoking crack and writing these ads?

Are the kids supposed to believe that just because this guy drives for W.B. Mason he's not a stranger?  Why are they talking to him?  And unless he wants to be arrested he needs to stop speaking to them.

This whole ad campaign should make you feel queasy, but the timing may be perfect to talk to your kids about pedophiles when one of these ads appears.

Three on a Match

Maybe you've seen the television ads for Christianmingle.com.  We find them offensive particularly because their tag line is, "Find God's match for you."

Seriously, guys?

God gives a crap about our love match and has someone picked out and waiting for us on a website?

The website itself has received a lot of complaints mainly regarding the non- existent customer service and myriad technical issues.

Other complaints:

• None of their couples are interracial.
• Members have had their computers infected at the site.
• It permits people who are 'separated' to join.

A word to the wise:  God has not hidden the love of your life on this website.





This Little Piggy Had None

It's amazing this sort of thing doesn't happen more often.

In Thailand, a woman killed, cooked and ate her sons because she thought they were pigs.

Of course they were only one and five years old so how much of a mess could they have made?  Gee, if they had lived to be teenagers!

Oh wait a minute.  She was hallucinating.  She'd been treated for the last five years for some sort of mental illness.  Oh, and she stopped taking her meds a few months ago. 

Seriously though, cannibalism is alive and well in the world.  Can we forget the face eating nude dude in Florida?  He wasn't high on bath salts either.  In Brazil last spring three people were arrested for killing a woman and making pastries with her flesh.  A ladyfinger cake perhaps?  And in Papua, New Guinea a cult enjoyed eating their victims' brains and penises till the coppers shut them down.

Worse than the Dark Ages

The flap over Representative Todd Akin's 'misspeak' continues.  Akin says he misspoke which means he caught telling an out an out falsehood.  A female rape victim's body doesn't shut down any incoming sperm to prevent pregnancy.

Now we have former governor and current Fox News hot air balloon Mike Huckabee to put his spin on the Akin idiocy.

Huckabee pointed out that we have lots of fine people who were conceived as a result of forcible rape.

Like Ethel Waters.

Is there anyone under 110 who knows who Ethel Waters was?  Well, being over 110 I can tell you she was an African-American actress back in the days when negroes knew their places which were in the back of the bus or washing your kitchen floor.

One can forgive the ancients for thinking that sperm were just little people sent into a woman's vagina to gestate, but it's the twenty-first century and we actually know better.

We know there is such a thing as science and that the moon isn't made out of green cheese.  We know that Creationists are delusional.  Jesus did not ride a dinosaur.

The ancient Greeks and Romans actually had a better handle on reality than the people who call themselves conservatives in this century which is frightening.  What is even worse is that there are idiots electing them to office to make decisions for the rest of us.

Akin to an Asshole

Of all the frightening things we've heard lately (and there have been quite a few) the words out of Rep. Todd Akin's mouth are the most mind boggling.

Akin is running for the Senate from Missouri "The Show Me State" against Senator Claire McCaskill.

In a recent television interview, Akin made a strange assertion about rape victims.  Somehow it has something to do with his anti-abortion stance.  It also has something to do with his obvious belief in voodoo.

"From what I understand from doctors, that's really rare," said Akin said of pregnancy caused by rape. "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let's assume maybe that didn't work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist."

What, what, what?

First of all, who are these doctors who are feeding him this erroneous nonsense?  Witch doctors?

Secondly, what is legitimate rape as opposed to illegitimate rape?

Thirdly, is there any debate that a rapist should be punished?

Anyone who votes for him is criminally insane.

Nail Biter

Some days you wake up and the undeniable fact is that your life is just a pile of steaming excrement.

But wait a minute.  Everything is relative.

Take Shanyna Isolm.  Please.  And just freaking help her!

The criminal justice student developed a skin disease in 2009 and naturally doctors were unable to figure out what was wrong with her.  Last year she went to Johns Hopkins where she learned that rather than growing hair, she's growing nails.

Needless to say the girl is a mess and naturally her insurance is practically worthless for the kind of care and medication she needs.

She's the only person on the planet with this disease, but just in case there are more unlucky people out there, she's set up a foundation to help them, and presumably her.
 

Bare Traps

This is a very recent picture of country singer, Randy Travis, and yes it is a mug shot.

Seems there was a one car accident near Tioga, Texas the other night, and when the police arrived they found a naked, drunk man lying in the road.  As fate would have it, said dude was Randy.

He was very uncooperative and threatened to shoot and kill the troopers working on his case.  Even in Texas this is frowned upon.  The DWI may be a misdemeanor, but threatening the police is definitely a felony.

Unfortunately, Randy was already on parole having been convicted of public intoxication back in February.  Seems he was sitting in a car outside a Baptist church drunk out of his mind.

When the Moon Hits Your Eye

John Schnatter, who is the CEO of Papa John's Pizza and a huge supporter of Mitt Romney, has declared that the price of his pizzas will be increasing because of "Obamacare."

This is hilarious, mainly because he refers to the product as 'pizza.'

Folks, this isn't pizza.  It isn't even close.  And just handling whatever it is no doubt puts the workers in dire situations.  Perhaps they should wear hazmat suits.